When the Dark Guests Arrive
As a somatic psychotherapist, I often sit with people who come to therapy wishing certain feelings would just go away. Anger. Fear. Grief. Shame. They are described as intruders, as obstacles to peace, as signs that something is broken.
But what if these emotions are not mistakes? What if they are messengers, arriving at our door like dark-cloaked guests, asking for a place at the table?
In Buddhist psychology, suffering is not a flaw but a teacher. The mind’s instinct is to push discomfort away, to exile what feels too much. Yet the practice is to stay, to breathe, to bow to what arises. In somatic work, we recognize that these “dark” emotions are not abstract—they live in the body. The clench of a jaw. The tightening in the chest. The collapse of shoulders. The trembling in the belly. Each sensation is a language, a story carried not in words but in tissues, nerves, breath.
When we treat anger, fear, grief, or shame as enemies, they do not disappear. They take up residence in hidden corners of the psyche, or show up disguised as symptoms: exhaustion, tension, illness, disconnection. But when we turn toward them with curiosity, they soften. They reveal their intelligence.
Anger may be the body’s way of protecting what is precious.
Fear may be the nervous system’s plea for safety.
Grief may be love with nowhere to go.
Shame may be the echo of an old wound still waiting to be seen with compassion.
To embrace difficult emotions does not mean we like them or let them take over. It means we allow them to knock, we open the door, and we listen. Sometimes the listening is as simple as pausing to notice the breath, feeling the weight of our body on the ground, and whispering inwardly: “I see you. You belong here too.”
Belonging, after all, is not only for the radiant, joyful parts of ourselves. True belonging is a home spacious enough for all of us—the light and the shadow, the laughter and the tears, the parts that ache and the parts that shine.
So when the dark guests arrive, as they always will, may we welcome them with a tender bow. May we trust that their presence, however uncomfortable, carries the seeds of wisdom. And may we discover that in embracing them, we come closer to belonging fully, deeply, and bravely—to ourselves.
A Gentle Somatic Practice: Welcoming the Dark Guest
The next time a difficult emotion arises, try this simple practice:
Pause & ground. Sit or stand and feel the weight of your body supported by the ground or chair. Notice your breath without changing it.
Locate. Gently ask yourself: Where do I feel this emotion in my body? It may be a tightness in your chest, a heaviness in your belly, a heat in your face.
Breathe with it. Bring your hand to that place, if it feels comforting, and breathe slowly. Imagine you are offering that part of your body more space.
Offer words of welcome. Silently say: “I see you. You’re allowed to be here.” Notice how your body responds to this gesture of acceptance.
Close with kindness. When you are ready, thank the emotion for its message, even if you don’t yet understand it.
This practice doesn’t erase pain, but it can soften resistance — creating room for the intelligence within your emotions to reveal itself.
